This is the best translation that I’ve found last night for the French word “voue a l’echec”. Those words came in my last conversation with Vanessa and stayed in my mind every single minute of the past night. How did I manage to get that far? I did some mistakes for sure, I thought that being honest about my feelings and what I feel for her will make the job, I was wrong obviously. 

What do we do now, should I keep firing my rounds given that the opposite side thinks that its meant to fail? I am going back in Paris for her on the 21st of August but given the situation and our last conversation I am not even sure that I will see her, this would kill me for good. There’s nothing left I can do for now except give her time, as we could say in French “Dices are thrown”. 

I love her for sure, more than anything but I am dealing those new feelings like a heavy-handed man, no style, no charisma, no strength therefore If I would deserve to loose. As I said I haven’t slept last night but it teach me something, it teach me that I was love-blind. She did many efforts already, many things for me just to give me a chance and I wasn’t seeing that this way. Now I know but is it not too late.

Nicolas.

August 6th, 2008 | Irish Life